10 Things I am grateful for


Sometimes we overlook at our life, and complain about the most irrelevant things. But it’s really the smallest things that go unnoticed. That we should be grateful for.

We are caught up with the stress of our every day life. Weather from our jobs, relationships, debt, social media, lifestyle, traffic, worrying of others life’s. The thing is we just completely forget that we have a great life.

But have you ever sat down and thought of the beauty of nature, family, being healthy, have a source of income?

I thank god everyday. 

I know that I have days where I complain even about the sun being so hot, that my kids are annoying. That I’m too fat. 

I’m really just being inconsiderate. not thinking that, I should be grateful for being able to see and feel. And be able to breathe.

Here I will share 10 things that I am grateful for.

Share 10 things you are grateful for. In the comments.

  1. I am grateful to be able to wake up every morning.
  2. I am grateful to be able to see daylight and nature.
  3. I am grateful for my children. That they are healthy. And family.
  4. I am grateful to have a roof over my head.
  5. I am grateful that we have the food and water. To nourish our body.
  6. I am grateful for the jobs of my husband and his sacrifice he does for us.
  7. I am grateful for coffee because this momma needs 10,000 energy boost every day.
  8. I am grateful for my hands and feet. My tools to do everything I do.
  9. I am grateful for life’s challenges because it makes me grow and become who I am.
  10. I am grateful for being you. Because you are touching the world with your presence.

Xoxo, Vicki

Back to school 

My kids start school next Tuesday! YES!

But I’m still home with my toddler. Which is like having five kids. He’s very active and non stop.

I’m going to miss my two older kids. It’s funny, how I tease them that I’m so happy that they are going back to school. They get all upset.

In reality it’s the total opposite. Although they keep me accelerated with my nerves out the roof. They keep me company and make me laugh.

Back to school means waking up early and getting them ready. My kids are spoiled I still help them get dressed.

I Also have to remind them to “brush your teeth,” “comb your hair!” ” were going to be late!”

Also need to get the little one dressed and get all three in the car.

I’m sweating by the time I’m driving to school. I always lecture my kids on the way to school. “keep your hands to yourself,” ” be safe” “nobody is to touch you anywhere” “stand up to bullies.”

I really dislike bullies. Bullying damages self esteem and confidence of kids. Kids now a days are so vulnerable and don’t get help.

I was bullied through elementary and middle school. Due to my weight. But I never had a low self esteem. I brushed it off.

It hurts when my kids come crying after school. Telling me how they get picked on. I promise I will be in that school 24/7 to avoid my kids having a bad day due to a bully.

These bully kids suffer from attention and love. They don’t receive any at home. And expect others to suffer too. It starts at home.

Traffic is terrible to drop the kids off. And I get off my car and walk them to the gate and hug and kiss them. Wishing them a safe happy day.
I always see parents drop their children in the middle of the street. That scares me.

During the day I try to nap with my little one. At least 30 minutes. Then I get ready and run quick errands like market, laundry wash the car.

I also like to go to the mall or Target. Even if I don’t buy anything. I get distracted.

I also plan a quick dinner. I always make the kids a healthy smoothie for after school. They have a great appetite. So the smoothie covers a bit while I’m working on dinner.

Once dinner is finished. We work on homework. Am, I the only one that feels like I’m in school all over again?

Sometimes I just can’t figure out the homework! It’s been so long…

We shower after and watch a bit of tv. They have a cup of milk with a cookie. Brush teeth and head to bed.

For sure the first week is going to be tuff. After staying late all vacation and waking up late. There sleep will be all over the place.

How do you moms prepare for back to school? If you have any tips please feel free to share!

I want to wish all the kids a happy safe school year! 📓✏️🖍✂️📏📎

 

 

Fried Cheese Tacos (Tacos dorados de queso)

Tacos de queso dorados.

Fried cheese tacos
Do you ever go late to the grocery store and grab items you don’t need? 

Ha! Happens to me all the time. Tonight, I headed out to a local supermarket called Northgatemarket. It’s your typical Hispanic supermarket. Offering hot fresh meals and cooked meats. Fresh baked French rolls and even house made corn tortillas. 

As I came around the tortilla section. The piles of  fresh corn tortilla packages with, even a few steam patches on the plastic bag, from being packed right away. from the tortilla machine.

They come out from a conveyor belt,  and two employees grab the corn tortillas, one by one and stack around 20 tortillas in a bag. 

I suddenly thought when I go home I’m going to make fried cheese tacos.

This recipe is inexpensive and can feed an army. It’s also full filling. Many of the ingredients, I usually have as staples in my refrigerator. I hope you try this recipe and let me know what you think.

I usually calculate 3 tortillas per person. So recipe will be 5 since my family is a party of 5.

  • Corn tortillas- 10
  • Cheese- mozzarella, Monterrey Jack, Havarti or any cheese on hand.
  • 1/2 cup of oil for frying vegetable oil, I used olive oil. 
  • Sour-creme or table cream  
  • Any greens 
  • Hot sauce or salsa

Place a pan on medium heat at the oil. Once the oil start to bubble. Add the tacos to fry. Cut cheese into wedges. Place on half of tortillas fold in half and place in hot oil. 

The corn tortillas I had were fresh so they would not break. 

Usually corn tortillas that are not freshly made at the moment are hard. So wrap the amount you need in a napkin. Place in microwave and let them get a little soft. Or if you don’t use a microwave use a clean pan with nothing on. On low heat and heat until soft. Then presume by placing them in the pan.

Fry the tacos, until crispy. on one side and light golden brown. Then flip and do the same with the other side.

Place them on a plate with a napkin, to drip off any excess oil. That’s it! 

You can add any toppings. Sautéed mushrooms with onions, sautéed spinach serve with a side of rice and beans.

I added spinach and cream and hot salsa.

That was what I had in my refrigerator.

If I could go back in time and tell myself at 6 years old?

I was only 6 years old. Laying in a couch in my mothers sisters house. My aunt and her husband lived there. 

It was dark, I felt my chest being caressed. I opened one eye. Frightened, I pretended to still be sleeping. It was him Armando. My aunts husband. He was kneeling and his hand was caressing my 6 year old chest. 

I didn’t understand at that time. I was only a child. 

My only memories that I would have for the rest of my life.

 Memories, are like pictures in my brain that I can go back and replay and have a satisfying smile of that memory. But not this memory. Not being molested by your aunts husband. 

This memory brings; fear, sadness, anger, confusion, betrayal. A memory I can never forget or block from my memories.

My mother worked the weekends in a backpack factory in Lincoln Heights. She has been mother and father to me. My father left when I was 3. She left me with my aunt on Saturdays while she worked.

I always hold a grudge against my father. for not being there for me during my childhood years. Maybe, this would not, had happened to me? What if, my dad was taking care of me instead? I spoke to my father of my molestation and forgave him for leaving me. It is no ones fault. 

My whole child hood was evolved around these people. The molestation continued. We took road trips, and I remember he was always starring at me. He always found away to get close to me. I never did or said anything to him. He creeped me out. He always called my house when my mother was not home. 

I remember when we would go to vegas I would stay in the hotel room with my little cousin at the time. My mom and aunt would be downstairs playing in the casino. Next thing you know he’s come back to the room. That one time, I ran out of there and told my mom, I was bored.

I don’t know why? I shut it down for so long. I never, ever told anyone. 

Every time I had to go with my mom I was scared. Being around this man was horrible. And not telling anyone was consuming for so long.

It was during my twenties when I was realizing that something was wrong. The one memory of me being molested by my aunts husband, being harassed my whole life. And me being silent about it was killing me. 

It’s not, until I had a conversation with a family members wife. We were at a party. She started to talk about how she was molested by a priest at her church.

I was in disbelief. Of how, I just had met her. and she opened up about such a personal tragic experience in her life. A memory.

Once, I lived with my husband I had absolutely no contact with my aunt or her husband. I was at peace. I was 25. My mother always visited her and communicated.

At 25 years old, I was already a mom of two. While in the car my mother asks me if we can go to my aunts house to pick up some bread? I remember clearly. I was driving to Target. And I said, “no.” ” I never want to go to my aunts house.” ” when I was little her husband harassed me through my childhood!” I cried so much!!

It took me, about 20 years to tell my mom. And I’m so happy I did. A huge weight I carried for so long, was finally being released. She cried, and she yelled at me asking me why? Why did I not tell her?

Till this day I don’t even know why, I never spoke up. He never threatened me. I was scared? I really don’t know. 

I hate this person with a passion. And I forgive but, I don’t forget. I asked god to please forgive me for the hate I have against this man. And I leave it all in his hands.

This is one of the many reasons I, believe also triggered my depression. I, kept it in for so long. that my mind was consumed. And now it needs time to heal, recover from all the damage my brain went through.

I encourage anyone, anybody to not ever remain silent. On any aspect of your life. 

If, I could go back to my 6 year old self, I would tell myself. 

This is not okay! Get up and start yelling. No, one is to touch you inappropriately. Call for help! You will be okay. You did the right thing. You’re just a child. A baby girl. I love you, Vicki.
Disclaimer: I am not a professional doctor or counselor. I am only speaking of personal experience. 

If you know someone or yourself is suffering abuse please don’t stay quite.

Living with Depression and Anxiety 

I woke up a Sunday morning, crying for no reason. I called my cousin to let her know what I was feeling. I could not stop the sobbing. She explained to me everything will be okay. But I did not feel okay.

Later, on I was heading to the grocery store. While driving, I felt a huge knot in my chest. I could not breathe right. It felt like I was choking or having a heart attack. I immediately headed to the hospital with my kids. they laid me down on a bed and did an ekg. A test that checks for problems with the electrical activity of your heart. 

I was okay, the nurse told me. I was not having a heart attack. Vitals were okay. The doctor diagnosed me with a back ache from lifting my kids. Or doing a sudden lift. 

They discharged me, and I went home. Relieved it wasn’t a major health issue.

Couple of weeks passed. Again I woke up crying. Feeling scared, alone a tremendous amount of sadness. I questioned myself WHY? I have a beautiful family. I have a supportive husband. I get to stay home and care for my children. My husband provides for all of us.

I called my husband at work. explaining to him, what I was feeling. “Jorge, I’m crying non stop.” I feel scared. He, asked “why?” I talked to him, how he wasn’t home often, you’re always working. You don’t dedicate time to your children. I don’t have a life I don’t have friends. Basically, just bashing him with all my thoughts.

Later on that night, I had a vibration feeling on my chest. A feeling of unstableness. I told Jorge when he arrived home that night from work. Sobbing with tears and telling him I could not control it.

He drove me to a local clinic. I explained to the doctor what I was feeling. He said “you have too much stress” “you have anxiety.”

I had never heard of anxiety! Again I went home that night with a prescription. I took a pill at night and I felt normal again. The vibration on my chest was gone. The sadness was gone. 

The following weeks, I scheduled an appointment with my Obgyn. I thought maybe I was going through early menopause. Others suggested I probably had an over active thyroid. 

I had tests done and I was cleared. I also had a physical done. They checked for every thing. I had nothing, I was healthy.

I felt lost and confused. What is it then! 

There was a local clinic around my home. Exodus mental health hospital. My mother and husband accompanied me. I knew it I’m going crazy! I couldn’t believe I was in a waiting room for mental health. I thought everyone in there was going crazy just like me. It was my turn to see a psychiatrist. who told me I was depressed and had anxiety. I cried so much. Telling him how I felt. And that I could not control my emotions and feeling anxious, scared and worthless . 

Once, Again I was prescribed medication. I went home confused. Depression and anxiety? What is that? I had no clue. Yes, I’ve been sad before and nervous. But it passed by quickly. Depression and anxiety are different. 

I took the medication. It controlled my feelings. But the medication kept me awake all night. I could not sleep. All this while taking care of my two kids. I was a walking zombie. No emotions. The thing is in the beginning you take lots of medication trying to find which one works for you. Don’t give up. 

Eventually my husband hired a lady to help me out with my kids and the house work. All I did was sleep. I remember her playing with my kids and feeding them. While I drifted in my bed. I felt useless and cried how I could not respond to my children’s needs. The worse feeling. 

I started going out to distract myself. To relieve my symptoms. Thinking it was all due to stress from being home all the time and caring for two small children. Not having a social life. I was still on the medication from the free clinic. But I still felt the same. Alone, scared, worthless. Of course I feel that my lifestyle contributed to my illness from stress. Raising children is a whole 360 change.

Once, again I scheduled an appointment with my obgyn. A different one, a female. The first one I saw, was a man. I thought maybe since he’s a man he wouldn’t understand me. 

I was in denial for a long time. I could not be depressed. I’m happy with my life. 

During the appointment she said I was overweight. She said I was depressed and that I needed to see a psychiatrist. I went home crushed again. Refusing to be depressed and sad and anxious. It was something I couldn’t control. I thought I was loosing it. I was unaware of mental illness.

I made my research, to see a psychiatrist. I told myself I need more answers. I need to get to the bottom of this.

The appointment came and I took my husband. I wanted him to be present and listen to what the psychiatrist had to say. I wanted him to believe I was not making it up. Sadly we all were confused and ignorant about mental illness. The brain is an organ just like any other organ in our body. And it gets sick too. 

Dr. Debrito, you have major depression and anxiety. You need medication. You need to exercise. Neurotransmitters, also known as chemical messengers. Chemicals imbalances, have been found to have an association with mental health issues. Scientists have hypothesized that neurotransmitter imbalances within the brain can cause psychiatric conditions, and therefore, medications can be used to target these imbalances and help improve disease states.

That was the day. Finally I accepted I was sick. My brain had chemical imbalances. It was not my fault. I didn’t cause it. And I surely was not going crazy.

He prescribed me my medication. And said it would take about about three weeks for it to take effect. 

Those upcoming weeks were the worse. I began having suicidal thoughts. Which is a side effect of the antidepressants medication.

 I was hopeless and scared. I never had been in a situation where I could think of throwing my self from the second floor of a mall. For months I feared going to the shopping mall. My thoughts were consuming me. I was terrified of thoughts that I had no control over. Sudden thoughts that I was dying.

Finally, my suicidal thoughts started drifting away. I was more calm and had no sighns of sadness or anxiety. The medication took its course. It was helping me with my depression and anxiety.

After so much suffering, confusion and seeing doctors after doctors. I finally could say I was feeling like Vicki. Till this day I still take my medication. I have had some episodes of depressed occasions. And now I know what to do. My psychiatrist has helped me a lot. And I am, forever thankful to him.

I now accept the fact that I suffer from mental illness. And that I am not alone. 

According to studies about 350 million people worldwide suffer from depression. And is a leading cause of disability. 

I truly don’t wish this upon anyone. Mental illness is no joke. it definitely is the worse thing that has happened to me. I don’t complain because I am alive. And I fight every day to overcome this. I fight for my kids. They are the world to me and my strength. And for the mental illness that I suffer from has made me a stronger person.

Mental illness needs more awareness. I was ignorant from the beginning and in denial. Afraid of what people would say? Afraid of telling my family of my thoughts and them not believing me. Having people think I was making it up. 

All that is behind. I have accepted my illness. And I’m here to fight as long as I have to. I cried writing this because i went through so much all because I was in denial and not knowledgeable of mental illness. 

If you know someone, who suffers the same like me. Let them know that everything will be okay. We’re in this fight together. Support them and encourage them.

Thank you, for reading my painful truth. I know one of you will feel better after reading this. Spread mental illness awareness. Educate yourself. We are not alone. Seek help from professionals. Don’t let this possess you. You are worth it.

I am thankful for my husband and my mother. They have been there in my weakest and lonesome days. We truly have learned to live with it.

Disclosure: I am not a medical professional. I am only speaking about my personal experience. Please seek help if any symptoms occur.